I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
PANTIES FOUND
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