so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
