the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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