On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize