You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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