Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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