my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
