I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
