If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
