How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
