Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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