you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize