nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
