I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
