i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
