he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
