so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
