I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
