Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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