You're so nebulous sometimes
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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