Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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