Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm going to jail i love you
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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