Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i think im in europe. pls send help
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
