awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
