my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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