I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
