I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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