i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Come see our sink grown plant.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
