i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize