just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
