We're like a lot better than the average bears
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so much tequila, so little girl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
