It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize