What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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