went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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