Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
