She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
