i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
