Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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