I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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