he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
