haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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