Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
