My hand turned me down
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
