but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Randomize
