He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
