He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
