Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
