I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sarcasm needs its own font
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
