She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
