shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize