she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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