i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
