Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your cock deserves a montage
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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