What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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