i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
