Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
