Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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