You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
