Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
