i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
