I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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