He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
