i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize