A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize