Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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