I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
