Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
