I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
