at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I had to cum in my sink.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
