Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
