I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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