i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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