I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im holly from the hills drunk
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize