My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize