I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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