i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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