doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
