Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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