Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
