so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
