A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this boner is exhausting
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
