Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
