They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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